How Being A Strong Independent Woman Could Be Your Downfall

"I got my own car, house, and everything is paid for so why do I need a man?"

I'm sure you all have heard both quotes plenty of times along with listening to Independent Women "anthems" such as "Ms. Independent" and "Diva" to name a few. I am sure some men love the fact that you're independent and why shouldn't you be..(you're an adult & should be able to take care of yourself). However, it does get old when a man who is being genuine and sincere with his intentions and a woman hits him with the "strong independent woman" speech, thus pushing him away. The woman then becomes bitter and will rant about how the lack of "available good men". 

Also a lot of times that strong independent woman "attitude" is usually a coping tool used due to past pain and experiences. Having that defense mechanism up will only push sincere men away and attract the more cunning and opportunistic men who see you as a "meal ticket" hence causing you to have G.W.S. (Good Woman Syndrome---see prior post).

You can be the "pit bull in a dress" in the corporate world, but know when to turn that off when it comes to dating and relationships. Fellas do want a woman who's strong, but also feminine & tactful (meaning allowing the man to take the lead & not emasculate him). So ladies continue to be self-sufficient, but without the attitude. Relationships are not about competition, it is about patience, team work, understanding, and compromise.

Role Reversals: Why Men Could Be The New Image of Femininity

We now live in an era where women have taken more leadership roles than our predecessors. With that being said, is it possible for women to have taken on more of a “masculine role” and men a more “feminine” role when it comes to dating and relationships?

I’m sure you all have had your fair share of “spoiled emasculated men” whose personality traits are feminine like than yours. There’s possibly a number of reasons as to why there’s more emasculated men, however I am only going to focus on a few.

For one thing, there are more single mothers raising their sons alone without any support. It is very true that a single mother works hard in being a provider, parent and counselor for her son, however in the meanwhile the child is not being exposed to positive male figures. Bitterness or ill feelings towards the men in their past causes the mother to raise her son to be like a miniature boyfriend, teaching him to behave and do things that she would have wanted in a mate. The mother could also overcompensate for the father’s absence by spoiling her son, thus causing him to have a false sense of entitlement. I’m not criticizing single mothers; I applaud their efforts in raising their sons in a society that expects them to fail.

There are also some exceptions where the boys grow up to be successful, positive male role models, but they were exceptions due to having a consistent, positive male figure (uncles, grandfather, mentor) in their life.

Although there is nothing that can be done about spoiled emasculated men (only he can decide whether or not he wants to grow and mature). My suggestion would be to not deal with them unless you want to suffer from G.W.S. (Good Woman Syndrome-see prior post). What can be changed is that single mothers could expose their sons to some consistent, positive male figures. If you don’t have any positive male relatives, put your son(s) in the Boys & Girls Club, a Big Brothers program, or if your son(s) show interest—- a sports team (he would have at least one positive male figure i.e. the coach). The emergence of spoiled emasculated men may be prevalent today, but this does not have to be the determinant of what is to be for future generations if we help our boys and show them that there are strong, positive male figures. By making this a collaborative effort there would be less spoiled emasculated men and more positive and responsible adults. 

G.W.S.-Good Woman Syndrome

Have you ever:

                •Put someone’s needs before your own?

                •Agreed with everything even if it’s disadvantageous for you?

                •Been that “shoulder” that someone cries on?

                •Overcompensate for someone else’s shortcomings?

                •Been the “go to girl” for everything & everyone?

If you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions chances are you either currently or have suffered from G.W.S. —- Good Woman Syndrome. From childhood we have been groomed to think that good women are the ones who have the “pick of the litter”, when it comes to men. In most cases it’s true because 9 times out of 10 good women tend to attract emotionally draining, unstable, opportunistic men. They are usually the ones who are always harboring on the pain of their past or how they can’t seem to get a break in life. They are usually very cunning when it comes to “wooing” a good woman.

Good women see those men as having “potential”, and desire to be that strong support for him. However, when this happens years will pass by and the man dumps that woman, leaving her emotionally and sometimes financially drained. The good woman is often left hurt, confused, and sometimes bitter, but ends up back with the same type of guy, thus continuing the cycle. So what can a woman do to end the cycle?

For one thing good women are usually “too giving, too soon”. There is nothing wrong with giving however a relationship is about reciprocation. Also good women tend to allow themselves to be the “go to girl” for their friends, family and lovers. Being a supportive person is a wonderful quality to have, but have a limit (you can’t be a great support if you’re pulled in every direction).  Good women also tend to compensate for other’s shortcomings especially men. Yes, it is messed up that he’s had a hard knock life, but whose life has been perfect? We all go through trials and obstacles, but in the end we keep on living and make it through. He’s an adult and if he’s looking at you as the only support then you’re setting yourself up for failure and pain. When his issues are deep rooted the best thing you can do is refer him to the nearest therapist because only he can heal his own wounds.

So basically what a woman can do to end G.W.S. is to be giving, but fair, not allow others to use them as their only support,  know when to say no, put yourself first and lastly reflect on yourself and past relationships to figure out what was learned (yes even in bad relationships there are lessons). I know and understand these things because I once suffered from G.W.S., but I’ve learned my lesson and moved forward. I hope this post will be a start for you as well.

If I'm So Great Then Why Am I Still Single??

I’m educated, no kids, have my own place, car, investments & good credit. I have so much to offer so why am I still single?”

This is a question that has been asked by many women, me included. Over months of reflection I found the answer to be “why not?” Accolades and accomplishments are wonderful to have, however they are not a depiction of how well you can handle dating and relationships. Having good credit is a plus especially in this economy, but again it does not determine how well you should fare in dating.

The emphasis should not be on how to get a decent date, but rather what you can do to make yourself happy. Perhaps it could be finding a new hobby, learning a new language, doing community service or if you have the funds —- travel abroad. By finding out your path to happiness, worrying about being single would be the last thing on your mind. So I’m sure you want to know…”how can I find out what makes me happy?” Reflection, prayer and meditation are a few things, but the choices are endless.  With most choices there is a re-occurring theme —-reflection. That’s right in order to find happiness you have to take a long, hard look within yourself and examine the “good, bad, and ugly”.

I can say that looking at the bad and ugly was quite difficult, took some time, but very necessary. Throughout my process I’ve learned that my accolades do not determine whether or not I should be in a relationship. The only thing that I’m entitled to is creating my own happiness.